Thursday, September 13, 2007

So, you wanna buy a shirt?



We have Intoxicado T-Shirts for sale. To get one, contact csbbookings@hotmail.com

$15 + S/H

Mens medium and large available
Ladies available soon.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Testing out some neat stuff.

Testing some stuff out. I'm using a blog editor that is an Addon for firefox. Seems to be pretty sweet so far. Test. Perhaps I will write more often now.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Been awhile

Things have been going well. I'm so very thankful for the good fortune that has come my way in the months since my Dad passed away. It was eight months on the 11th. I really can't believe how quickly time has gone by.

I've been extremely fortunate and I will do my very best to carry on with what has been granted to me since January.

Opening for Aerosmith, recording a single for the "Well Oiled" compilation CD, working from home as a graphic designer...these are all dreamlike things. I'm so eternally thankful for the good fortune, and I do not take it for granted. I'm not the type to be superstitious, but if I were...I would say that my Dad is looking out for me and sending these gifts my way. I'm happy to be observant enough to have accepted them.

I really didn't see myself being where I am today eight months ago. As the summer goes by, I have little flashes of last summer. My Dad would call me every day to see how things were going, I miss that. I took him to the hospital for his transfusions once or twice and then we had lunch together...nothing fancy, just Wendy's...and I'm missing that too. In the early part of the summer last year, I drove him to the bank so he could withdraw the money to pay for his pre-planned funeral expenses. I remember talking to him, watching him doing this and wondering how he must feel...wondering what he must have been thinking.

Well, that's in the past now. I tried my best to grow up and be a better son. I only hope that I did. It's strange how these memories come flooding back sometimes...especially the last two nights he was alive. I can still hear him gasping for breath on the night I stayed over night with him in the hospital, he was so scared...looking back on it, I don't think I even realized how scared he must have been...or what he must have been going through. What panic and fear he must have felt. I've lost my breath a few times due to asthma when I was younger, but I'm sure it was nothing like what he felt.

Then I remember the next night, he was unconscious...I went home to sleep...and the next morning, I watched him die. I watched him die. It's almost like it still isn't truly registering...I can type the words, and I can see his face in those last moments...but it seems so unreal, despite the fact that I saw it happen. I held his hand and we stared at each other, eye to eye, and he left. It's just so easy to leave this world sometimes...we're so fragile. I can't go back in time and experience him again. I just have all these shadows of memories, where I can hear and see him alive again.

I don't know. I'm tired. It's late and I'm rambling. I should probably write here more often. I think there is still a lot on my mind.

Take care all.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Vote for Intoxicado, to open for Aerosmith!

The new band that I sing with, Intoxicado, has made the short list of bands to open for Aerosmith in July. Here are some samples, and here is where you vote.

www.magic93.pe.ca

You can vote more than once a day, so go back often.





Thursday, March 22, 2007

Another time, another place, another world, another face.

Sometimes, I wish I were a little more transparent, so people could more easily pick up on when I really need them. Especially when I don't have the strength to ask.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Little markers that remind us that time won't wait.

Try as I might to shake the disbelief from my mind, next week will be two months since my Dad died and one month since my friend Clayton died. The 'one-two' punch of these events seem to have compounded somewhat and wore me down. It took a lot of energy to get through the weeks shortly after my father passed, and then Clayton dying set me back to the beginning of it all. My immune system must be shot. I've had a cold for nearly two weeks, I can't shake it. The damn thing has mutated through every conceivable form. I'm hoping this sneezing and coughing variation is the end of it.

Lots of good things are happening. I was lucky enough to find a group of guys who were looking for a lead singer/ lyricist. I tried out, and so far they seem to enjoy what I've brought to the group. I just hope I can deliver what they're looking for, because it really feels good to be working in a band environment again. I have really missed it. This time it feels far more fulfilling though, since I can do more than just learn cover tunes..I actually get to write lyrics, and create melodies to go with the fantastic music they've written. I'll probably even dust off a few of the old songs I wrote years ago and let them work something out for them.

The main thing I've been experiencing lately is that the pain of my Dad dying is getting easier to cope with, it's missing him that is getting harder. The further away I get from the last time we spoke, the harder it is to deal with the fact that I simply can't speak to him anymore...not outside of my dreams anyway. He's just not there. I miss his voice. I wonder if the things I'm holding in aren't manifesting as this cold. Just feels like my body is breaking down at times. Well, I probably just need to have another good cry...or a few. You don't realize until someone is gone, that a part of you leaves with them.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Monday, January 15, 2007

Saying goodbye to an old friend.

Tonight was the wake for my friend Clayton. The reality truly hit home when I saw him in the casket. Clayton is gone, he doesn't exist anymore...except in our memories. He was well loved...you couldn't help but like Clayton, he would do anything for you at the drop of a hat...no questions asked. The old crew didn't get around together as much as they did when we were younger, but when we did hang out...it was always a fun time. We were out on David and June's boat again this summer...Clayton and Graham were hillariously drunk. It was just good fun, we all got along so well. I knew Clayton from way back when I was in Grade three, he and Graham used to hang out all the time...and for some reason, I was totally fascinated by these guys. :) So, I started to follow them around...until the day Graham grabbed me by the wrists, swung me around in a circle and sent me head over heels into a snow bank. Ha! Little did I realize, years later...I would be hanging out with these guys all the time. So many great memories. I guess I was sixteen when we all started hanging out, and I eventually became an official member of 'The Crew'. We were a unique bunch back then...a bunch of crazy teens who didn't drink, we just drove around together and did crazy shit. Adulthood changed things, but we still had fun together.

I think my all time favorite memory of Clayton, is the night that 'Gowan'...yes, eighties rock star 'GOWAN', played at Myrons. Gowan was just wrapping up a gripping, solo rendition of "All the lovers in the world". He was milking it for every ounce of sap and sentiment that he could...like any master of performance would. He delivered the final line..."Alllllllllll, the lovers in..........the.........." HUGE DRAMATIC PAUSE....then we hear a single voice quiver out from the audience in a mock falsetto..."world!!!" The audience erupted in laughter...and Gowan was obviously devastated. His moment of passion...RUINED!!! lol I loved it. It made the show for me.

There are so many other times I can remember Clayton making me laugh. He was just that type of guy. There aren't many people you can honestly say..."they never pissed me off, or did anything cruel to hurt me", but Clayton is one of those rare friends. He was true to his word, true to himself, and a true friend.

He is going to be sorely missed. If the doctors had been more observant, he most certainly would not be dead right now. He was showing all the classic signs of Meningitis...I just don't understand why they didn't become at least a bit suspicious. I guess we can thank our decaying health care system.

Well, tomorrow is the funeral. Within a month, I have buried my father...and now a friend.

Do not think for a moment that my spirit has been dampened. It only makes life that much more beautiful to behold...and the memories I have of Clayton, will be treasured.

Goodnight.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Where to begin...again...

A rough month, and now something horrible has happened to a good friend. My friend Clayton died this weekend. I can't believe this has happened to such a wonderful person, someone only 2 years older than me. It hasn't completely hit home yet, but tomorrow is the wake...tuesday the funeral. The reality of it all will become clear then.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

3 weeks later.

My first update in quite some time. Sorry for being so quiet. I want to start by thanking everyone who emailed, sent cards, left responses on the page, and generally came around to offer support. Mary, Kristin, Lindsey, Sarah, Bev, George, Ashley...thanks for listening. Sorry if I didn't get around to seeing everyone who was home for the holidays, but my energy levels are quite low. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. So, if I saw you and said I would call...drop over...or whatever, don't be offended. I really just have to go with whatever my energy levels allow me to do right now.

Three weeks ago today, my Dad passed away. It would be around 10 hours from now. It's amazing how quickly this has all passed by. The day before, I was helping him with his breakfast in the hospital room and the next...I was watching him become something else...an empty body, my father was nowhere to be found. I've gotten through the grief...I think it helped both my Mom and I that we knew this was coming. Now, I feel I have moved onto the next stage...missing him. When he was still so fresh in my mind...it was easier for a short while, but now the reality of the matter has truly begun to sink in...no new memories will be created with my Dad. I can never hug him again, I can only hear his voice in my head now, or recall how he looked from pictures or past memories. I really do miss him, for his faults and for his strengths. I don't have a problem believing that he's gone, there is no denial, it just hurts that he is no longer there. When he was well enough to be home alone back in the fall, and my Mom was still working, he would call me to see how things were going every day. I was too stupid at the time, to realize just how much that would mean to me when he was gone. God, what a fucking concept life is. To never be able to have a conversation with someone again. I lost two friends when I was younger and I got through that alright, but a parent is so different. Sometimes you trick yourself into thinking they will always be around...how blind. It's the same with our friends really...we forget how fragile we all are...how short lived. Not that we should go around banging on everyone's door each day as if it's our last, but just remaining aware is a good step.

Having some up and down days right now...I'm sure there will be more. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable about calling me. I won't depress you, or put you in a position where you won't know what to say...just call if you have a free moment, I won't turn you away. I need some outside contact, and I don't always have the energy to do something about it on my own right now.

I really miss his voice, his humor, his presence. I've let him go, obviously I had to, but the pain of him being gone will remain. The pain of witnessing that last breath will always be with me...the helplessness, the look in his eyes, the warmth of his hands after there was no longer a trace of him left in his body. It's a lot to absorb...a lot to come to terms with.

I'm lucky to have had him in my life as long as I did...so damn lucky.